Hi! You don't know me. I'm a writerly person. A guy who pens fictional stories, often publishing them pseudonymously. You need to know, in advance, that I am not a doctor —not even the Jill Biden kind ( ** eye roll ** totally feel ya, I know; I am with ya) — and I do not claim to possess any medical expertise.
With that out of the way, I beg your indulgence and request only a couple minutes more of your time...please.
You're doing you. I get it. But take a moment and consider the silliness contained within some of the conspiracy theories regarding the COVID-19 vaccination. They're a bit much. You see that, right?!
Think about it. I mean, if I wrote a storyline where a vaccination itself was a zombie-creating agent would that make for an exciting or entertaining narrative for a movie or book?
No! Of course it wouldn't. Too obvious. Too straight. Too expected. Banal, and boring. Just like some of your COVID-19 vaccination conspiracy theories. (If that sounds harsh, please understand: I don't mean to be mean; don't mean to shame you or make you feel guilty; I'll leave that to others in the entertainment business. They're doing God's work here and I am sure they're finding success in getting you to reconsider your present position on the matter.)
Now, you know what could make an interesting storyline?!
How about a setting and backdrop exploring the terrifying results of expired vaccination doses accumulating? vaccination doses manufactured for all citizens but being refused by too many? doses like the ones I didn't reject but took into my arm months ago (and hi, btw; still alive, here...and without side effects and doing ok, afaik)?
Don't make me consider penning a fictional account of the horrifying consequences created by significant stockpiles of expired vaccination doses that were manufactured in good faith (again, at least afaik) to prevent us and our families from dying or getting seriously ill and requiring hospitalization.
Talk to your doctor. Talk to your family. Talk to yourself (just don't tell anyone). Learn more about the vaccines, and explore the reasons for your fear and hesitancy regarding vaccination and be honest with yourself when you do.
(And, also, if you know someone who's a development executive at a production company that operates outside of and enjoys thumbing their nose at the oppressive and hypocritical Hollywood Machine, then for the love of Christ please tell them you know a guy with a movie idea, would ya? Cool, you're aces. Despite what all those Hollywood Libs are saying about ya.)
Anyway, this is slow pitch, like it says in the blog's title. I've told you that; been upfront about it. I hate the game (baseball too). Slow (and ridiculous) is the only speed I am willing to play it.
[Dear Constipated Reader: Consider reading the above but as content to be used in an overwrought 80s era tv commercial created for a Members Only short-term consumer finance card company — as crass, feeble, banal & insipid as you might imagine.]
Slow Pitch, or When You Hate the Game But Must Play It
by Geoffrey Allison || SIXSTRINGcpa
Parodying the movie pitch and Media-Entertainment Complex: a beast arguably as culturally damaging as its sibling-monster, the Military-Industrial Complex.
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