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DAEDALUS Hot Wings culinary concepts kitchen is a creative agency specializing in collaborative¹ design and advertising specifically crafted to ensure the continued well-being of The Establishment². A person can literally³ purchase merchandise sporting our designs and slogans. In addition, our logo and slogan bumper stickers may be purchased at select vending machines⁴ located at certain roadside rest stops⁵.
Delicious DAEDALUS Hot Wings. Our hot wings are tastier (AND healthier) than their hot takes. And, remember, DAEDALUS Hot Wings culinary concepts kitchen is approved by our very own Mister Wilson, who reminds all y'all: You can trust it's good if Mister Wilson says it's good!™
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Consume DAEDALUS Hot Wings responsibly.
FOOTNOTES
¹ One of several "sideline businesses" needed to make ends meet founded by an Indie writer who appreciates similar efforts made by others: "I thank the patriots. The men and women of unreproachable deed & character, who risked it all and lit a path. Were you not so intrepid, so unmistakably honest and selfless, I'd not have found and unburied the inspiration needed to create DAEDALUS Hot Wings."
² We'll never admit to working on behalf of The Establishment. You can see why, of course. Right? It's just not as sexy. So we pretend. You pretend. And it's all just a bit of fun, this kicking of sand around the sandbox. Speaking of which: Don't pick that up! Mabel, from our scheduling department, has a cat she brings to the office.
³ "Literally" in the modern meaning and sense of the word, if you can figure out what the hell that is.
⁴ Vending machines that let you pay with your phone and shit, because that's cool and I bet, probably, Obama uses his phone to buy things, too. Yeah, cool.
⁵ That is to say roadside rest stops where U.S. infrastructure is expected to hold up and not crumble in the near term. Understand when the infrastructure does crumble blame will be placed on the performances of foreign actors (not those kind) and will have nothing to do with our nation's bipartisan embrace of repeated tax cuts for the wealthy, outsized military spending, and a lack of foresight employed by elected officials due to their tactical blindness created by corporate donations. And we know this because we've already produced commercials—featuring big name celebrities y'all know and love—to convince you of such when the time comes.
⁶ Hard to believe that's an actual testimonial. But it is. Hand to God. Only assholes would ever invoke the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to engage in crass opportunism done to enrich or rehabilitate themselves. 🙏
² We'll never admit to working on behalf of The Establishment. You can see why, of course. Right? It's just not as sexy. So we pretend. You pretend. And it's all just a bit of fun, this kicking of sand around the sandbox. Speaking of which: Don't pick that up! Mabel, from our scheduling department, has a cat she brings to the office.
³ "Literally" in the modern meaning and sense of the word, if you can figure out what the hell that is.
⁴ Vending machines that let you pay with your phone and shit, because that's cool and I bet, probably, Obama uses his phone to buy things, too. Yeah, cool.
⁵ That is to say roadside rest stops where U.S. infrastructure is expected to hold up and not crumble in the near term. Understand when the infrastructure does crumble blame will be placed on the performances of foreign actors (not those kind) and will have nothing to do with our nation's bipartisan embrace of repeated tax cuts for the wealthy, outsized military spending, and a lack of foresight employed by elected officials due to their tactical blindness created by corporate donations. And we know this because we've already produced commercials—featuring big name celebrities y'all know and love—to convince you of such when the time comes.
⁶ Hard to believe that's an actual testimonial. But it is. Hand to God. Only assholes would ever invoke the spirit of Abraham Lincoln to engage in crass opportunism done to enrich or rehabilitate themselves. 🙏