Hello . . .
So, you have found your way here. I am probably working. Plodding away at one thing or another. Most likely completing all the necessary work of an Indie writer. Although I could be exercising. Or gardening, which I am now doing year-round given an indoor set-up allowing me to plant various ornamentals and veg from seed during the winter months. Regardless, it's likely I'm either out in the Treehouse—weather permitting—or down in the Basement Lab. If you ring the doorbell, I may not immediately answer.
Hang around the front porch and wait, if you want.
If it's cold, you obviously should have worn a coat. What were you thinking? If gift packages have been delivered and left at the front door, please be a dear and make sure they are stacked well under the covered porch, to prevent any snow or rain from ruing them. Thank you.
Obligatory Gibberish
Simple & imperfect.
Writer. Fighter. Candlelighter.
Curious observer, honest analytic, and explorer of life who writes (often under pseudonyms) and who—inspired by the capacity to animate monsters in a basement laboratory—composes rock guitar instrumentals in a manner similar to Dr. Frankenstein.
Historically, since reaching the age of majority, a regular voter.
To reach me, please use the form provided.
Motto
I believe there's a subtle but important difference between pretending and make believe. I love being creative and engaging in make believe. I do not, however, pretend!
Warning
Visitors, regarding the Front Porch and any publicly accessible pages of this website, do you possess a sense of humor? If not, flee (squealing, you swine). If you do, thrust it out in front of you—that shining lantern—and spot the serious within the silly as you continue.
More Obligatory Gibberish
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As an Indie writer he has to hold down and work at several different jobs to make ends meet.
In youth, he enjoyed [action he never felt totally comfortable performing but did do hoping this girl would return his love in similar measure]. In college, he videotaped himself doing [the then latest and coolest attention-seeking gimmick pimped by a celebrity] until his attention—and personal information—was captured and auctioned off by [recently IPO'd Techco]. Nowadays he questions where he misplaced his identity and wonders if he used a shovel he bought at [BIG box store spending loads of ad $$ on brand awareness & loyalty] to bury his own decision-making capabilities, values and self-worth. He has a number of interests and pastimes too. For example, kayaking. Or what he calls a good paddle. If he enjoyed a different kind of paddle—and under the right circumstances he might—his safe word for consensual amorous spankings would be expialidocious. (Commit that to memory, please.) He finds sailing exhilarating, although he has yet to master the art and science of wind + water. He also cannot call himself—or anyone else, for that matter—a seaman while keeping a straight face. He once had a childhood crush on a friend's mom* and believes that wasn't entirely atypical. At least not for that time period. This is the 21st century and people are no longer supposed to talk about such things. Such topics... oh! they're verboten. So, forget you read that last bit. And don't say anything. Okay?
To get his attention, feel free to SMS him $1MM or, less expensively, use the contact form provided. * A private message to school-friend's mom: Over the decades, you've remained kind. That's no insignificant feat in this world. And you're still smoking hot. That's just cosmological truth that is. |
Uh-huh. Yeah, sure. No, I'm really listening to you spaz on again. I'm taking it all in. Absorbing it. Promise. #tycmasiuya
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Questions and Answers
Why Have You Shared Rough Drafts?
Because the starting point is important, and nothing to be ashamed about. Also, for all its talk about embracing and accepting it, Western culture punishes—and hides from—failure, the unpolished, uncouth and unrefined. The entrepreneur who "made it" is placed on a pedestal and is not only stroked, but stroked mighty hard. The business owner who lost everything and became homeless is mostly ignored, often mocked. I'm straight up challenging the lies and bullshit. My culture markets aspiration — "success" and "achievement" — harder than a fucking street corner dealer pushes heroin. Tastemakers can entirely fuck off.
What's your favorite James Bond scene?
Oh! That's an easy one. It hasn't been filmed yet. Oscar Wilde plays the part of James Bond. I play the role of Auric Goldfinger. Oscar has just left the shower. He walks to the writing desk—where I am trying to work—and quite rudely grabs the pen from my hand. I look him in the eye and say: "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to give me the pen and, for a change, you hold my nutsack while ** Iiii ** write." It's sort of a weird, genre-crossover, double-dip fanfic thing I've been working on. Thanks for asking. Bet you're glad ya did.
What's your elevator pitch that describes you?
No pitch. A pitch implies branding. And the question reeks of personal branding. If you want to discuss personal branding tune-in and watch a particularly crappy "reality" TV show pushing conformance Capitalism, and the accompanying myth-building horseshit, airing on network television. For now, I'll share with you a phrase describing me with a certain accuracy: A silhouette reminiscent of SHAW's unreasonable man admiring TWAIN's acerbic wit.
Why Do You Occasionally Spell Words Differently?
Short answer: I am playing and having fun.
Long answer: My grandparents wrote and spoke their English words differently than we do in the States. That fact made an impression on me. Also, have you ever heard William F. Buckley Jr. speak? I once read or heard his voice described as pan-Atlantic. I grooved on that. It made a kind of sense to me, given the peculiar sounds and spellings extant in my own house (family) when I was a boy. Anyway, I decided I'd create my own little mashup and merge aspects of language from both sides of the pond. You know, I am playing and having fun.
Can You Provide Guidance or Assistance With Writing Query or Submission Letters?
No, aspiring writers focused on traditional publishing, I can't! Why? Because I have zero experience with such things. I've never pursued traditional publishing. So, I've never written a query letter. Not once. And I'm not ashamed of that, although some so-called "pros" in the leech-filled Land of Letters believe I'm somehow less than—and not serious about the craft—because of it.
Didn't You Once Describe Yourself as a Recovering Accountant?
Yes, I did. However, I have fallen off the wagon and am using (capitalism) again. Now let me ask YOU some things: Do you assume I'll hide the delivery mechanisms feeding the junk into my bloodstream—the straws and needles? Believe I'll be a bathroom-stall-hideaway-closet-user like the elite members of the Center-Left Establishment, the privileged members of Media, Technology & Entertainment masquerading their greed and hunger for power? You think I'll engage in similar subterfuge?
What's Best In Life?
I don't know. Go ask Conan the Barbarian. And if you see that brutish fuck, tell him he ruined my petunias his last visit.
What's Your Proudest Moment?
It's not a moment --and certainly not something I am, like, "proud" of-- but I totally fucking dig the fact I've performed at least two jobs Alan Moore has.
What's the Best Way to Prepare Liver and Onions?
Don't.
Assuming it was the end of the world and mutually agreed upon by both parties and, therefore, a consensual act, would you engage in coitus with a certain famous author that gets under your skin and irritates you to no end and who also likely borrowed both storyline and protagonist elements from other authors and strategically overlooked and did not mention these influences during their rise to fame?
Honey? Is that you? It's you... isn't it? I mean this seems to be a pretty fucking specific question and fact pattern hinting at insider status afforded only to someone who is both intimately familiar with me and who was present when I may have answered a TRUTH OR DARE / WHAT IF? question during a game night session with family and friends during a Kansas winter holiday or while at a summer camp home in Maine. It's you, honey... right? Yeah? No? Hmm... Okay... then it's some lowly junior-level NSA analyst who drew short and pulled a weekend work shift to tap cellphone mics and was unlucky enough to unlawfully tap mine. What's your name, kid? You're a G&T Language grad, I bet. Am I right? Look here. I am sure you're swell and all but the role your playing is shit. Nothing patriotic about it. The job is a burning ember lit by a mage flame of paranoia and hegemony. I encourage you to consider other avenues of employment. It's the time of the plague. And kids, at least the kids here in my state, are going to have an extended summer. They need fun distractions. Something to reduce the stress. They need ice cream. Consider NOT spying for slack-jaw career politicians and their more furtive shadow government counterparts. Consider peddling ice cream. Cold. Refreshing. Tasty. Ice cream. Folks need cheering up. It's the time of the plague. And your job is shit, in case I wasn't clear earlier.
Social Media Presence?
Social media activity for the SIXSTRINGcpa (ALT) is spotty. Depending on what is happening in the world and whether or not I am seeking inspiration or gathering research for work, either writing or consulting. Often it's bursts over a (often short) period of time. And then silence. Currently my social media activity outside the SIXSTRINGcpa (ALT) is as follows: I post about once a week—on average, over a 12-month period—on behalf of a podcast hosted & produced by my wife.
Because the starting point is important, and nothing to be ashamed about. Also, for all its talk about embracing and accepting it, Western culture punishes—and hides from—failure, the unpolished, uncouth and unrefined. The entrepreneur who "made it" is placed on a pedestal and is not only stroked, but stroked mighty hard. The business owner who lost everything and became homeless is mostly ignored, often mocked. I'm straight up challenging the lies and bullshit. My culture markets aspiration — "success" and "achievement" — harder than a fucking street corner dealer pushes heroin. Tastemakers can entirely fuck off.
What's your favorite James Bond scene?
Oh! That's an easy one. It hasn't been filmed yet. Oscar Wilde plays the part of James Bond. I play the role of Auric Goldfinger. Oscar has just left the shower. He walks to the writing desk—where I am trying to work—and quite rudely grabs the pen from my hand. I look him in the eye and say: "No, Mr. Bond. I expect you to give me the pen and, for a change, you hold my nutsack while ** Iiii ** write." It's sort of a weird, genre-crossover, double-dip fanfic thing I've been working on. Thanks for asking. Bet you're glad ya did.
What's your elevator pitch that describes you?
No pitch. A pitch implies branding. And the question reeks of personal branding. If you want to discuss personal branding tune-in and watch a particularly crappy "reality" TV show pushing conformance Capitalism, and the accompanying myth-building horseshit, airing on network television. For now, I'll share with you a phrase describing me with a certain accuracy: A silhouette reminiscent of SHAW's unreasonable man admiring TWAIN's acerbic wit.
Why Do You Occasionally Spell Words Differently?
Short answer: I am playing and having fun.
Long answer: My grandparents wrote and spoke their English words differently than we do in the States. That fact made an impression on me. Also, have you ever heard William F. Buckley Jr. speak? I once read or heard his voice described as pan-Atlantic. I grooved on that. It made a kind of sense to me, given the peculiar sounds and spellings extant in my own house (family) when I was a boy. Anyway, I decided I'd create my own little mashup and merge aspects of language from both sides of the pond. You know, I am playing and having fun.
Can You Provide Guidance or Assistance With Writing Query or Submission Letters?
No, aspiring writers focused on traditional publishing, I can't! Why? Because I have zero experience with such things. I've never pursued traditional publishing. So, I've never written a query letter. Not once. And I'm not ashamed of that, although some so-called "pros" in the leech-filled Land of Letters believe I'm somehow less than—and not serious about the craft—because of it.
Didn't You Once Describe Yourself as a Recovering Accountant?
Yes, I did. However, I have fallen off the wagon and am using (capitalism) again. Now let me ask YOU some things: Do you assume I'll hide the delivery mechanisms feeding the junk into my bloodstream—the straws and needles? Believe I'll be a bathroom-stall-hideaway-closet-user like the elite members of the Center-Left Establishment, the privileged members of Media, Technology & Entertainment masquerading their greed and hunger for power? You think I'll engage in similar subterfuge?
What's Best In Life?
I don't know. Go ask Conan the Barbarian. And if you see that brutish fuck, tell him he ruined my petunias his last visit.
What's Your Proudest Moment?
It's not a moment --and certainly not something I am, like, "proud" of-- but I totally fucking dig the fact I've performed at least two jobs Alan Moore has.
What's the Best Way to Prepare Liver and Onions?
Don't.
Assuming it was the end of the world and mutually agreed upon by both parties and, therefore, a consensual act, would you engage in coitus with a certain famous author that gets under your skin and irritates you to no end and who also likely borrowed both storyline and protagonist elements from other authors and strategically overlooked and did not mention these influences during their rise to fame?
Honey? Is that you? It's you... isn't it? I mean this seems to be a pretty fucking specific question and fact pattern hinting at insider status afforded only to someone who is both intimately familiar with me and who was present when I may have answered a TRUTH OR DARE / WHAT IF? question during a game night session with family and friends during a Kansas winter holiday or while at a summer camp home in Maine. It's you, honey... right? Yeah? No? Hmm... Okay... then it's some lowly junior-level NSA analyst who drew short and pulled a weekend work shift to tap cellphone mics and was unlucky enough to unlawfully tap mine. What's your name, kid? You're a G&T Language grad, I bet. Am I right? Look here. I am sure you're swell and all but the role your playing is shit. Nothing patriotic about it. The job is a burning ember lit by a mage flame of paranoia and hegemony. I encourage you to consider other avenues of employment. It's the time of the plague. And kids, at least the kids here in my state, are going to have an extended summer. They need fun distractions. Something to reduce the stress. They need ice cream. Consider NOT spying for slack-jaw career politicians and their more furtive shadow government counterparts. Consider peddling ice cream. Cold. Refreshing. Tasty. Ice cream. Folks need cheering up. It's the time of the plague. And your job is shit, in case I wasn't clear earlier.
Social Media Presence?
Social media activity for the SIXSTRINGcpa (ALT) is spotty. Depending on what is happening in the world and whether or not I am seeking inspiration or gathering research for work, either writing or consulting. Often it's bursts over a (often short) period of time. And then silence. Currently my social media activity outside the SIXSTRINGcpa (ALT) is as follows: I post about once a week—on average, over a 12-month period—on behalf of a podcast hosted & produced by my wife.
