TO: Citizens of Cretin
FROM: Repis Groman, Supreme Cretin Scientist
As the lead Cretin scientist, I must inform you that an experiment has gone wrong—all wrong.
The understanding of science was not deep enough and I never predicted. How was I to know? For millennia our scientists experimented in close quarters without success—true enough—but also without harmful incident. Until now.
On the morning of Dzit in the month of Trask, Yhlae, eyes aflame, rushed into the social science laboratory carrying a small child. A breakthrough idea had assaulted Yhlae’s mind that morning while showering and permission to begin experiments confirming the untested hypothesis was sought. There was no need for me to meet with others, no need of the benefit of counsel, to consider the implications of Yhlae’s new theory and assess probability and weigh consequence. I granted permission by my own authority and—wanting to begin work immediately—Yhlae thrust the carried infant into my arms. I slipped the fabric sling supporting the child over my head and shoulder and cradled the infant as Yhlae’s surrogate.
So innocent an action but that innocence forces me to now compose and communicate this dire warning: Holding infants in slings creates vestigial genitalia in the male gender. I repeat, the penis is a vestige. Cretin falls!
From the Desk of...
Author's Note: I busk online, for tips and grins. Tipping is always appreciated. Here's where you can. Thanks!