DATE: 21-Nov-2018 (updated 17-Dec-18)
TO: Respective Intellectual Property Rights Holders
FROM: POP Culture Holiday Infusion Committee
The POP Culture Holiday Infusion Committee members ask the respective intellectual property rights holders to come together and produce a Family-friendly and Fun Thanksgiving Meme Video or Film Parodying a Scene from Batman v Superman. (FYI... We'd totally do this ourselves but just cannot be bothered.)
BRUCE WAYNE/BATMAN wears an apron and is busy preparing a Thanksgiving Day meal for ALFRED, who is enjoying the one day a year he gets for holiday (his boss is cruel). Alfred sips Cognac and rests his cozy slippered-feet on a lustrous antique table (part of an acquisition made by the Wayne family after the Romanov dynasty collapsed and bought for a pittance). Bruce zips about the kitchen. He has just opened a can of oysters to pour into a pan already containing other ingredients used in the regional favorite Momma Wayne's Oyster Dressing — the recipe having been submitted and included in the successful Arkham Asylum charity fundraiser cookbook: Foodstuffs for the Families of Gotham.
Superman flies through the walls of Wayne Manor, creating a massive hole, and the concussive force completely destroys the kitchen.
Next time you think you should bake a turkey for the full duration provided for in the directions without protecting the breast meat in a tinfoil covering, don't. The Batman's days in the kitchen are done. Consider this mercy.
BRUCE WAYNE / BATMAN
Tell me: Do you think my turkey will not be so moist that you won't have to use the corner of that cape of yours as a napkin?
Superman turns and flies away, leaving behind a wrecked kitchen and a sulking Bruce Wayne—covered in oyster liquor. Bruce walks into the sunlight pouring in through the hole, the fresh wound suffered by his manor house, and stares at the departing Man of Steel.
(dry | scratchy | hollow voice -- from tasting his dry turkey)
(sips Cognac & mentions matter-of-factly)
Sir, we are still eating at 5PM sharp then, yes?
A picture on the wall next to Bruce, near the damaged opening in the manor house, has been swinging wildly. It's a slowing pendulum. The old photo —a brightly smiling Martha Wayne holding a copy of Foodstuffs for the Families of Gotham— falls to the ground. Glass shatters.
[Note: Yes, of course, the example above does not use correct scene descriptions style and format. It’s a mashup of script and traditional narrative used for the non-dialogue sections. I am not going to spend tons of time to craft a post meant for folks to have an easy laugh and quick smile for free. You want the proper format? The real deal? Okay, well… to paraphrase Harlan… then pay me, motherfucker. 😂😂😂. And... by the way... artists should get paid in the current system (while working to change and improve the system) because, for good or ill, money is the medium of exchange for human existence. But understand there are artists who hide their love of money and power and fame behind statements sounding positive but laden with insincerity and duplicity. I am totally looking at you. You know who you are, tosser.]
Seasonal PSA: Cranberries are a gateway fruit. Tread carefully.
From the Desk of...
Author's Note: I busk online, for tips and grins. Tipping is always appreciated. Here's where you can. Thanks!