DATE: 14-Dec-2018 (updated 15-Dec-18)
TO: Whom It May Concern
FROM: CIS-male baker & confectioner
I grip a crusty baguette with my right hand. In my left, a churro. I stand ready for battle, wielding baked rapier and deep-fried main-gauche—proud in my ability to coax such deadly weaponry from my kitchen equipment. So butch. Fear me!
And BEWARE! I use, with wild abandon, honey as a substitute for refined sugars, you cowards.
SEASONAL PSA: Candy canes are a terrific parry blade when battling sweet-loving goblins.
(Honestly, the twists of a churro give it something akin to the serrations of a swordbreaker. However, I am sticking with main-gauche in the above.)
From the Desk of...
Author's Note: I busk online, for tips and grins. Tipping is always appreciated. Here's where you can. Thanks!